My Breastfeeding Journey: When Things Don’t go as Expected By Karen Vilardo, MSW
Obesity.
Diabetics.
Ovarian Cancer.
Breast Cancer.
Asthma.
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Gastrointestinal Infections
Respiratory Disease.
High blood pressure.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), breastfeeding decreases the risk of these health concerns.
The list goes on, which includes other benefits such as bonding with your baby and saving
money. New moms hear a lot of advice from a variety of sources and manage all the pressures to be the best mom.
If breastfeeding reduces the chances of my baby dying from SIDS, and reduces chances of
cancer…That alone is enough reason to breastfeed. “Maybe if I do not breastfeed then I would
not be a good mother”, I thought to myself when I was still pregnant.
I read the books, I attended the training.
I asked questions and bought all the supplies.
I was going to be a great mom, because I was going to breastfeed.
When my son was born, the nurse laid him on my chest. I quickly had him latched to breastfeed.
Many nurses, medical staff and lactation consultants came in to help during my stay at the
hospital. The first night at home I had my son latched for basically the whole night, which also
meant no sleep for myself. “Cluster feeding, that’s it, I learned about this”, I identified as I was
struggling through each feeding. “This will not last forever, I need to cherish this moment like
everyone always says, these precious moments go by too quickly”, I thought to myself.
It seemed like the next day was the same, and the day after that. Day three and I am sore,
exhausted, hungry, in need of a shower, overwhelmed, and feeling a bit lost. I knew
breastfeeding could be challenging, so I pushed through thinking that this is just what I needed to do so I could be the best mom for my baby.
When I brought my son to his first pediatric appointment, luckily, they also had a lactation
consultant. I was told my son was losing weight. I was told he was not eating enough. “Do I need to be feeding him for longer, or often??”, “How do I do that, when I am already completely
consumed by this breastfeeding journey?”, I thought to myself while the nurse was trying to
explain something to me. I could not focus on what she was saying.
The struggle to feed him, getting little to no sleep, with the added pressure of, what I thought, to feed him more, was completely unbearable. The lactation consultant came in and suggested that I try pumping to see what I am producing, and to also stimulate everything so I can start producing more.
The first time I used the breast pump felt so overwhelming. I had also read books about how
some suggest not using a pump at all. The expectation is that the body will know what to do. I
barely pumped anything I all, I sat on the side of my bed in tears. I thought this was supposed to be natural, but this whole time, my baby was starving.
I logged everything. When I would pump, what side and for how long. I would latch my baby to
feed, then quickly pump to try to increase my supply.
We went back to the office to meet with the lactation consultant.
My son lost more weight.
I was handed a little bottle with formula while sitting with the lactation consultant. With mixed emotions, and feeling like I was doing something wrong, I fed my baby the formula.
He drank the bottle down so quickly; my baby was so hungry. “How could I have let this
happen?” My son had been so miserable, I should have seen the signs earlier.
I kept thinking I was not trying hard enough, when in reality, it was not anything I did or did not do.
I continued to latch my baby, then pump, and feed my baby formula. Eventually, I switched over to just using formula.
So many people have similar stories, and continue to think they “failed”. You didn’t fail. Taking
care of your baby, the way you need and the way your baby needs, is exactly what you should be doing. If this includes changing the way you feed your baby, then you’re doing a great job by adapting to the ever-changing needs of your family.
Breastmilk is amazing, no matter how it is provided. But, also, “fed is best”.
If you are breastfeeding, or plan to breastfeed, I recommend you take a look at The Fed is Best Foundation. They have information and resources to help you on your journey. Knowing what to look out for can be helpful in catching early signs of concern.
